An Organized Plan of Attack, Part III

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I intend to continue dislodging and vomiting those infectious barbs that have been keeping me back for years. I know it can’t always be easy to read. I applaud you for hanging in. I hope it will be worth it for all of us in the end. I also want to say a special thank you to the veterans who wrote me “me too” messages in the wake of my murderous rant on Sunday. I know y’all get where I’m coming from in a special way. Any of you who couldn’t see past the surface should read more and watch less TV. If I was going to murder someone, I’d damn sure never post it on the Internet.

Believe it or not, I really don’t take pleasure in rehashing painful events from the past. Some call it “picking the scab;” to me it’s something more. I’ve been holding on to some toxic shit, some of it since childhood. It is coming out. I want it out of me so that I might live. I’ll take responsibility for my part; the rest I’m giving back. I’m not carrying the responsibility for other’s bad actions any more. Those days have ended.

All that having been said, I could spend this last-chance year focusing on all the hurt and pain without moving forward in any way and I’ll end up exactly nowhere. It’s time I figure out what I do want and stop focusing on what I don’t. As I said a few days back, I’ve divided my life into categories so that I can more readily assess things as they are and as I would like them to be.

I. Emotional, Spiritual, Psychological

II. Health and Fitness

III. Sex and Relationships

IV. Career and Finance

I’m going to set the timer on my iPhone for ten minutes for each category and type (hopefully with as little self-editing as possible) and find out exactly what it is that I do want. Life as I was living it up to September 1 had certainly shown me a lot of what I don’t. The good things I’ll keep. The rest goes. I’m going to type as fast as I can and we’ll see what surprises my subconscious has in store. I’ll let you know what I find out in tomorrow’s blog.


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