An Organized Plan of Attack, Part V


So in yesterday’s blog, I did some brainstorming to help me figure out what it is I want in this life in that continually recreating what I don’t want had led me to publically threaten myself with suicide if some big shit didn’t change in major ways. I gave myself a year to try to sort this big mess out. September 1, 2015 is “verdict” day. If I’m to off myself, I’ll do it on my 50th birthday, October 15th, 2015. That’s what I’m telling myself; I have to keep the stakes high. In truth, I don’t think I could ever get that free of codependency. As much as I don’t want to, even things didn’t change at all I’d probably go on living and suffering just to avoid hurting the ones who care about me who’d be left behind. I’m still playing the game in my head to keep me on track and on purpose. I appreciate those of you who are playing along and sending messages of support. Incidentally, I still do not want to discuss the blog. The blog is doing its job. If you have advice you need to give, start your own goddamn blog.

Anyway, I got off track there for a minute. Amazing, right? (Trust me, it’s very busy in here.) So, goals– how can I move into the life that I want if I don’t know what that is, agreed?

I’ve divided my life into four categories and yesterday, under each category, I brainstormed for ten minutes to find out what it was I really wanted. What do I want my life to look like in each of these areas? If you missed yesterday’s blog post you can go back and read them. Today, I’m going to go back to each of those paragraphs and chose five tangible goals that I’m willing to start working for right now. When I’ve gotten the five from each category, we’ll see what the next right step will be.
I. Emotional, Spiritual Psychological
1. To live free of depression
2. To live free of anxiety
3. To be true to my spiritual path
4. To be happy
5. To help people who suffer from PTSD and/or addiction

II. Health and Fitness
1. To love what I see in the mirror when I’m naked.
2. To be great at CrossFit
3. To look like MMA fighter… or a gladiator
4. Perfect sexual health
5. A body that serves me well in what I endeavor to do

III. Sex and Relationships
1. To live free of codependency

2. To use my sacred “NO” when doing something would impair my ability to be of service in the long run or would  compromise my wellbeing in the present.
3. A husband.
4. Be a good son, brother, uncle, etc.
5. To let go of Adam.
IV. Career and Finance
1. $110K or more per month starting now and for the rest of my life.
2. To live off 80% of my income this year, tithing 10% to where I’m spiritually fed and investing 10%. I want that percentage to shift by 10% annually until by 2020, to be living off 10% of my income and directing the rest to do good on the planet.
3. To be clear about my finances!
4. To write 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction, and a poetry and short story anthology.
5. The Mehadi Foundation to grow and thrive providing help for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in a multitude of ways, mostly through providing paid apprenticeships  within the entertainment industry so that they can GET PAID for being creative.

So there are the five goals I’ve picked from each category. These are the ones I’d like to see made manifest the most. They’re what I’d like to see manifest the quickest but in some cases, as with the ambitiously high bar I’ve set for myself with regard to the writing (just the sheer volume of all those works!), it might take a little time. What will keep the gun out of my mouth next October is having made substantial progress.

One thing I noticed while I was culling the five goals from each brainstorm-paragraph was there is substantial overlap. That shouldn’t really surprise me. Just like the root cause of resistance to change is interrelated, so too are the solutions. For example, if I want a hot husband– well, I better be looking my best to snag him. I don’t want to have been whoring around the night before so I’d better cut that out. And what can I do with all that time I have historically squandered on procuring the next sexual conquest? What would happen if I spent all that time and energy writing instead? If I had spent half the time I’ve spent self-medicating with sex in the past… well, since I got back from Iraq, I would have completed a body of work that would make me at least as voluminous as I set forth in the goals. (Did you know “voluminous” can be used to describe a prolific writer? Now you do.) Also if I’d been more prolific, I probably would have been richer and if I had been richer, maybe Adam would have strayed! Uh-uh… item number III-5: let go of Adam. I’m letting go of him alright. But you’re gonna know some things first.

Well, I’ve kept you for long enough today. The next time we visit the OPA theme (Organized Plan of Attack), I’m going to start looking at the individual items and asking for guidance about what I should be doing (or in some cases not doing) to see the goals come to fruition.

Oh! One more thing before I cut you loose for today: I was tempted, after I started looking at the goals to move “Career and Finance” to the top of the list because money is where I seem to be bleeding out the fastest. Then I remembered the scripture that says, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His [sic] righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Y’all know by now my beliefs are far from those of the church members where I first heard that scripture but its meaning can still easily fit into my current belief system (minus perhaps the gender specific pronoun). I do plan to do some immediate triage around my finances while I seek to sort that out more down the road. But I’m deciding to keep “Emotional, Spiritual, Psychological” at the top of the goal list. If I fail there, I’ll fail everywhere.

I hope to see you tomorrow.

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