Into Action, Part 1

So this is where the metal meets the road. This is where I have to get into action. Surely you didn’t think this was the first time I’ve set out to “fix what’s wrong” in my life. To one degree or another I’ve been at this game since my first suicide “attempt” at 17. There was another (much bloodier) at 23. That one sent me begging for help which started the long journey toward (what will hopefully, one day at a time, be) permanent sobriety. I got really sick along the way. And that didn’t happen overnight. As the saying goes, “I didn’t get sick overnight and so I’m not going to get well overnight.” I know I’m not the only one struggling either. I hear from a lot of you. That’s not an invitation to open the flood gates. I’m surrendering on that one. I realize that some people really do feel like they absolutely have to talk to me about the blog. If it helps them to save their lives like I’m determined to save mine, how am I going to be too harsh on them for sharing pieces of their story. Furthermore it would be a real shitty thing to make a public proclamation including the word suicide and then say “don’t talk to me about it.” Still, mostly, don’t talk to me about it. Let the blog (and the program of reemergence it represents) do its thing.

I may be delusional but I really do think that if I achieved those twenty goals I took from my brainstorming exercise around “what I want,” I really do think I’d be happy. The other possibility is that what I’ll learn in the end is that those things did not make me happy. I’ll only be able to figure that out if I get there. So I’ve got to get there.

I also believe that if I’ll actually do the things that I’ve been lead to do underneath each goal, I’ll achieve it. I’m that confident. Hard to believe that a guy who so regularly wants to give head to his pistol could be that confident but I am. So….

I’m going to have to set about doing each of these things each day. You can help me stay accountable.

I can say that I understand some of the resistance to doing these things. I used to think I was just lazy. It’s fear. I’ll talk more about that in a later blog but for now, I just want to be gentle with myself and strike out on a daily plan of action that will hopefully lead me to a very happy September 1, 2015.

Now, on alternating days, I’m going to talk a little bit about each goal and its corresponding action item. On the other days I’m going to share some more of my story. I’ve been quiet about some things for too long.

To remind us both, here are my twenty chosen goals together with an action item for each:

I. Emotional, Spiritual, Psychological
1. To live free of depression
-list ten things for which I am grateful EACH DAY
2. To live free of anxiety
-meditate ten minutes every morning and evening
3. To be true to my spiritual path
-read spiritual literature for ten minutes each morning
4. To be happy
-ask someone each day what I can do to help them be happy
5. To help people who suffer from PTSD and/or addiction
-go to at least three meetings per week where other people who are living in a better, healthier relationship to addiction and/or PTSD meet and talk about their experiences.

II. Health and Fitness
1. To love what I see in the mirror when I’m naked.
-to look in the mirror each day (naked) and tell that guy I love him
2. To be great at CrossFit
-go to CrossFit three times a week, every week
3. To look like MMA fighter… or a gladiator… or an NFL quarterback
-lift weights three times a week, every week
4. Perfect sexual health
-do a three month “reboot” program of total abstinence while I figure out what I want this area of my life to look like.
5. A body that serves me well in what I endeavor to do
-spend thirty minutes each day doing Mobility WOD

III. Sex and Relationships
1. To live free of codependency
-read Codependent No More
2. To use my sacred “NO” when doing something would impair my ability to be of service in the long run or would compromise my wellbeing in the present.
-to include in my evening inventory, one time when I said “no” when I usually would have said yes just to please someone else.
3. The right and perfect husband for me.
-for now, be true to my reboot
4. Be a good son, brother, uncle, etc.
-make a list of everyone’s birthdays
5. To let go of Adam.
-pray for him daily

IV. Career and Finance
1. $110K or more per month starting now and for the rest of my life.
-write for four hours each and every day
2. To live off 80% of my income this year, tithing 10% to where I’m spiritually fed and investing 10%. I want that percentage to shift by 10% annually until by 2020, to be living off 10% of my income and directing the rest to do good on the planet.
-start now on every penny that comes in, no matter how large or small the amount.
3. To be clear about my finances!
-start today and keep a record of every penny that comes in and every penny that goes out.
4. To write 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction, and a poetry and short story anthology.
-write for four hours each day.
5. The Mehadi Foundation to grow and thrive providing help for Iraq and Afghanistan veterans in a multitude of ways, mostly through providing paid apprenticeships within the entertainment industry so that they can GET PAID for being creative and also to teach reliable and valid pure peer support techniques to this population of veterans.
-spend at least one hour each workday getting the website squared away, seeking funding, planning the future, and otherwise working toward the mission of the foundation.

See y’all tomorrow.

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