Open to Suggestions (Into Action, Part 8)

Photo on 10-16-14 at 9.52 PM #2

I’ve been taught to state my goals in the affirmative, from a consciousness that they have already been brought into manifestation. “Whatsover you ask for believing, you shall receive.”

These are my real goals:

I am so happy and grateful that…

  1. I live in a beautiful apartment in New York City.
  2. I weight 260 lbs and have 15% body fat.
  3. I lift or do CrossFit six days per week.
  4. I write for four hours every day.
  5. I have written 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction books, a book of poetry and a short story anthology.
  6. I am married to the man of my dreams.
  7. We have three sons.
  8. I make $110K or more every month.
  9. I live off 10% of my income and direct the rest to do good on the planet.
  10. I head a very successful non-profit that helps Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. We teach Pure Peer Support techniques at weekend retreats, sponsor creativity workshops, and offer paid internships in projects we produce to Iraq and Afghanistan veterans helping them to find work that fulfills them inside the entertainment industry. It has a big, beautiful workspace and headquarters in New York City.

I’ve also been taught to say, “This or something greater in accordance with the will of Heaven.”

Here again is my Life Mission: I co-create a world of Excitement, Wonder, Magic, and Mystery to positively transform the consciousness of Planet Earth in a good way by unleashing the Powerful Warrior Poet who lives inside me.

My Life Affirmation: As a Queer Poet among the masses, I am powerful! 

Here they are again (with one improvement) with a Daily Action Item underneath each one.

  1. I OWN a beautiful apartment in New York City

-write four hours each day

  1. I weight 260 lbs and have 15% body fat.

-lift or do CrossFit six days per week

  1. I lift or do CrossFit six days per week.

-keep doing what I’m doing

  1. I write for four hours every day, six days per week

-pray for help

  1. I have written 25 movies, 10 TV shows, 25 plays, 5 novels, 5 non-fiction books, a book of poetry and a short story anthology.

-write for four hours per day, six days per week

  1. I am married to the man of my dreams.

-develop a sex plan and stick with it (more on this later)

  1. We have three sons.

-write for four hours every day, six days per week

  1. I make $110K or more every month.

-write for four hours every day, six days per week

  1. I live off 10% of my income and direct the rest to do good on the planet.

-make a spending plan and stick to it. start by “keeping my numbers”

  1. I head a very successful non-profit that helps Iraq and Afghanistan veterans. We teach Pure Peer Support techniques at weekend retreats, sponsor creativity workshops, and offer paid internships in projects we produce to Iraq and Afghanistan veterans helping them to find work that fulfills them inside the entertainment industry. It has a big, beautiful workspace and headquarters in New York City.

-continue working with Franco and let him help, provide the items he’s asked for

Those are my real goals and an action item underneath each one. I really do believe that if I did these action items faithfully and consistently, the goals would be achieved.

I have know these action items are the steps towards the manifestation of these goals for some time now. So why do I not do them? Do I do them? Do I do any of them. Yes. I consistently go to the gym. I have been meeting my physical fitness Action Item goals (with the exception of my trip to Utah) for some time now. How can I learn from that part of my life? How can I let my approach to physical fitness infest the other areas of my life?

What do I do with regard to CrossFit (or lifting on those days) that I don’t do with regard to the others? Answer: I just do it. I walk through that door. I know I’m going to walk through that door. On days that I don’t want to walk through that door, I walk through that door. On the days that I’m afraid of the WOD (Workout of the Day), I still walk through the door. And once I walk through that door, I’m going to do the sweating. I am going to give that workout every single thing I have. I am going to reach out for the help I need, take whatever supplements I need, eat the way I need to eat— all in service to the workout. How can I let this bleed over into the writing, finances, sex, search for a husband, Mehadi Foundation, adoption, home, all the rest? How?

So one of the goals is “Write four hours per day, six days per week.” (I’ve decided to keep the Sabbath.) If I had done this one thing for half the days in the last year, I would not found myself at a place of wanting to kill myself on September 1. I really do believe this!  Hell, if I had just done it a third of the time, I really do believe I would have manifested at least most of the goals on this list! That’s a great batting average after all! Wow. That’s something to think about. If I batted just a .333, with regard to the writing, in the last year, (you may think I’m crazy but) I think I would have been…

  1. living in my own apartment in New York
  2. written about 12 of those scripts etc from the Body of Work goal

Who knows, I might have, from that position of über confidence, forgotten all about the thieving asshole doing his residency at Mt. Sinai and gone on to find a man worthy of me.

Okay, I’m open to suggestions. I’ve asked for you not to talk to me about the blog. Some of you just absolutely couldn’t resist. Here’s your chance. I want to write for four hours each day, six days a week. But when I think about doing it, I feel like I’m back in Iraq. I have a vision of this one place where our four-LAV convoy was rolling through a little built up area and their were men who I perceived to be snipers up on the rooftops. I was driving and therefore trying to avoid any of the rubble in the road because all or any of it could be IEDs (improvised explosive devises). I would swerve to miss it all the while trying not to sling the Marines that were riding in my LAV all over the place because they were the ones with their weapons at the ready and the only ones capable of saving my life (if it was to be saved) because I (of course) had both hands on the wheel and was the person solely responsible for getting us to our destination alive but they had told all us drivers that our heads were the targets for snipers because it was the quickest and easiest way to debilitate the vehicle is by killing me because as the other Marines would be dragging my body out of the driver’s seat so they could drive on to safety, the snipers would then have a change to kill them too. So I’m watching the shit in the road and trying to avoid it and trying to keep one eye on the rooftops to see what those motherfuckers were doing up there and I’m humming songs from Hair inside my comm helmet to try to keep myself calm all the while trying to take orders from my Vehicle Commander who is stuttering to me on the comm system.

And that’s what I feel when it’s time to sit down to write. Part of it anyway. The other part is the fear of rejection. And I know that this is true of all artists and I even know that the kind of stuff I write is not for everybody. Hell, I even know most of my writer heroes had the same fears and were also rejected too but… the fear of rejection that I feel isn’t that some suit at Universal Studios is going to tell me that my script isn’t marketable. That’s not what it feels like. It feels like I’m back at Parrish Elementary and some mean and tough looking redneck is saying to me, “I am going to kill you when no one is around you nigger loving faggot.”  That’s what the fear of rejection feels like to me when it’s time to sit down and write. It feels old. It feels familiar.

I have to write. Please help me achieve this goal of writing four hours each day, six days per week. That in itself would be a goal achieved. Also, as an Action Item I believe with all my heart that it would help me achieve at least half the other goals.
I am open to help, guidance, suggestions, and (as always) your prayers.  Comment on the blog, on the link to the blog on Facebook, or you can message me privately if you need/want to keep it private. Remember though that I’m not the only person who struggles with this so your wise counsel might actually help someone other than me if you’re willing to share it publicly. Also, feel free to share your personal experience of how it worked for you. Those are really the suggestions I’m after, the ones of you who’ve experienced this and beat it. Anyone can give advice. You can go to skid row and ask those people for advice. They will always, always, gladly give it. I want to some shit that works!

Thank you for your help in advance. I pray this works.

See y’all tomorrow. 


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