A Meeting With Two Angels

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Well, I did it. I took this getting help thing to the next level. I’ve just gotten off the phone with two people who I met through an online network. The purpose of the meeting was to help me to refine my goals and figure out steps to help me achieve them. Three heads are better than one.

I’ve never met these people except over the phone but they were willing to help a stranger to do what they have done which is to beat the underearning thing on a daily basis. I had some preparation that I’d agreed to do before the meeting but in actuality a lot of that work was already done because of this process I’ve been going through with you all. Beginning in September, when I had hit a total emotional bottom, I began to look at my life in an honest way to consider what was working and what was not and set out to change the things that weren’t. During these intervening months, I’ve honed my vision more and more as the process has continued so that I am increasingly clear about what it is I want in this life, most specifically how I think I can best serve God and my fellow humans. Happiness comes as a byproduct to that– or at least that’s been my experience. You have been part of this whole deal and for that I want to say thanks. You’re words of encouragement and helpful suggestions have helped me a lot and I love you for it. For those of you who have sent stupid suggestions, well, fuck off. Oh come on, I’m just kidding. That’s the problem with you. No damn sense of humor.

So the meeting– these two sweet people sat with me for an hour on the phone to help me move toward my goals. We followed a suggested format. The format suggested we begin with prayer so we did. I also sang a ceremony song and played my drum. I’d meditated before the meeting and burned some sacreds (white sage, cedar, and bear root). I made ten prayer ties before the meeting too. By the time the meeting started I was less nervous than I had been. Sort of silly, I guess, to be nervous– after all, these people were coming out of their genuine desire to help me. But when it comes to my goals and dreams, I’ve often felt embarrassed to share them– afraid of being judged or laughed at. That comes from youth. I’m slowly and methodically changing that programing that tells me my goals are stupid. Fuck the bullies. Times are changing now.

I came away from the meeting with a shorter list of action items. The point is to not overwhelm myself but instead to take smaller actionable steps toward my goals. Through the process I’ve been going through, I’ve gotten a lot clearer about the things that have held me back. It’s all trauma-based. A friend said something today that made a lot of sense to me. He said, “Underearners aren’t lazy people. They’re people who have invisible barriers.” That one hit me square in the chest.

I’m grateful for this path and even for the struggles. I knew when I set out to change my life, it wasn’t necessarily going to be easy all the time. I was right. But I know it’s going to be worth all the hard work.

Au-ight I better hit the lights and get some shut-eye. I’ve got action steps to take tomorrow. Nite y’all.

See y’all tomorrow.


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