What’s My Purpose, Day 1

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Remember when I had started using that worksheet to refine my goals? I sort of put the pause on that when I started working through a several-step writing workbook that promises to help me let go of the whole underearning thing. It’s a slow process but I know it’s going to work. Incidentally, I’ve tripled my salary since I started taking a spiritual approach to recovering from compulsive underearning. There have been a few epiphanies along the way but one that sticks out was when one of my new friends said, “Underearners aren’t lazy, they just have invisible barriers.” For some reason (it could have something to do that I like and respect this guy a lot) that just helped me to give myself a huge break and stop beating myself up so goddamn bad all the time about the ways I’ve struggled in this area. I’m about 60 days into the process now and I have gotten, I think, a little more clarity at least. If I’m honest with myself, I can say that one of the main mistakes I’ve made is giving away my time and talent for free when my bills were going unpaid and I was living like a pauper. Now that I can admit that, I can move on from it but– and this is very important– there are a lot worse things somebody can do in this life. I’d rather have been too generous and too giving than to have been a selfish asshole. I could have taken all this talent and charisma and been really good at selling shit people don’t need to people who can’t afford it so they could feel like they were enough. That’s just not me. In fact, one of my chief motivators in working so hard to fix the psychological and spiritual malady in me is so that I can give on a higher level. Nothing about money pleases me more than buying things for other people or giving it to a worthy cause. But I have to makes some adjustments for that to be possible. And as y’all have witnessed, I’m trying really hard to do my part and leave the rest to God.

So for now, I’m putting a pin in the goals worksheet and focusing on the steps process with my spiritual writing partner. There’s part of that writing that I’ve shared with y’all but, believe-it-or-not, there are some things that I don’t hang out there for public perusal. They are mostly things that involve other people. With the exception of ratting on my ex-husband and other abusers from my past, I figure I’ll let other people tell their own story publically if they are so inclined. I’ll share as much of the process (there are 200 questions in the workbook) as I’m able. When we’re done with that workbook, I’ll come back to the goals worksheet.

In the meantime… I grabbed this Venn diagram from Facebook the other day and I just keep thinking about it. I have a good idea about what my purpose in life is but, especially with all the recovery work I’ve been doing lately, I’m at a place of divine surrender and really open (probably more that ever in my life) to what God has planned for me next. (For convenience sake, I phrase it like that. Those of you who know me well know that’s a sort of metaphor.) Anyway, I thought it would be fun to play around with the diagram for a few days so this is what I’m going to do. My spiritual advisor has me writing ten minutes each day on what my divine purpose in life is– especially as it relates to my career. So I’m going to set the timer for ten minutes and stream-of-conscious write for each of the four circles. Presumably, if the diagram is accurate, from this process I will be able to see what my passion, profession, mission, vocation, and purpose are. I’m going to forget that I’ve done any work on this at all so far and just see what I come up with. Since I’m really going to do my best to just rapid fire it out without judement or editing, I’m willing for it to look sloppy and “unevolved” and even ego-centric and selfish if need be. “You can’t save your ass and your face at the same time.”

Tonight I’ll start with the circle: “You love it.”

Ten minutes. Ready…..go!

 

Wait. I think it might be better if I meditate for five minutes first.

Oh yeah, that was a good idea. Now the ten minutes. Then sleep.

I love:

  • making people laugh
  • making people think
  • felling like I’ve made a difference
  • putting on a show
  • having sex
  • eating
  • working out
  • watching plays
  • performing
  • good movies
  • going to museums
  • going to ballgames
  • being treated like a celebrity
  • helping people sort out their problems
  • making people feel better
  • camping
  • hanging out with a bunch of guys
  • riding my motorcycle
  • going to fancy functions
  • being told I’m a genius
  • being told I changed someone’s life
  • having a political impact
  • political activism
  • watching good TV
  • cleaning house
  • cooking for someone I love
  • hosting a dinner party
  • being with my dogs
  • writing
  • reading my writing to people
  • being the center of attention
  • praying
  • taking part in sacred ceremonies
  • watching documentaries
  • creating art
  • creating an alternate reality through art
  • thinking about spiritual things
  • being outside
  • sleeping
  • eating great food
  • going to amusement parks
  • going to sports bars
  • playing rugby
  • making out with someone I love
  • hanging out with kids
  • making assholes look stupid
  • working a spiritual program
  • going to support group meetings
  • rock climbing
  • canoeing
  • camping
  • mountain biking
  • going to the barber
  • buying new clothes
  • getting a massage
  • giving money to hungry people
  • helping people change their lives
  • looking at hot guys
  • talking about good books
  • writing the blog
  • riding the subway
  • traveling
  • drinking coffee
  • doing anything artsy
  • using my imagination
  • acting
  • directing
  • making a lot of money
  • helping people feel better
  • helping people grow
  • helping people work through their shit
  • moving society forward
  • resolving conflict
  • educating the ignorant
  • doing laundry
  • watching people succeed
  • driving my truck

 

See y’all tomorrow.


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