May I Pray for You?

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Two more days until I leave for the prayer ceremony in Texas. For a minute I thought Mom was going to take a nosedive so I couldn’t leave. She does that. It’s not on purpose. It’s subconscious. She needs me.

Somebody disputed my Blake quote at the end of last night’s blog. If one is going to put oneself out the on the level I do, I guess one mustn’t get hurt when people jab. And people will. Jab, that is. Is that perhaps one of the purposes of this blog? To help a hypersensitive little boy masquerading as Bravado incarnate to grow thicker skin? I wear my heart on the outside. All poets should. I like myself exactly as I am. Fuck the haters. I mean, God bless the haters.

I prayed for help and the daily blog started the next day. It’s taught me a lot. I think Creator is helping me through the blog in ways I don’t understand. I think most of the ways the blog is helping me is in ways I don’t understand. If nothing else, it’s made me a daily writer. I’ve been trying to accomplish that for years. I’ve also been lead to a lot of new resources that are helping me to get to where I want to be, far from where I was last September. It is a slow process and it takes a lot of work. I will get there. And, as I said, I love myself exactly as I am. That’s what we call in the biz, “a paradox.”

I’m sweaty. The AC is on 68° and both the floor fan and the ceiling fan are on high. When I made the bed with fresh sheets (which now have already, by my wetness, begun their journey to unfreshness), the comforter never made it to the bed and Sydney found it. He’s zonked on it now– here, let me take a picture and I’ll show you. It could be 32° in here and I wouldn’t take it away from him. I love that dog that much. Willie is in the dining room on his doggie bed. If he comes in here, he will stare at me until I lift him up into the bed. He scootches up against me so I’m “big spoon.” It’s way too hot for that tonight so I hope he stays in there. Even though I’m naked, our fur together could start a fire. Damn, I might have to go in there and turn the air conditioner down. But that make wake Willie and make him follow me back in there. He’ll come in a 06:00 sharp to let me know it’s time for his breakfast. Zoe is in the laundry room asleep. She was Daddy’s dog and before that she belonged to my late sister-in-law. Sometimes she (Zoe) looks at me and I swear she thinks, “Are you gonna die on me too?” I hope I don’t just for her sake.

My former mother-in-law contacted me today. I hear from her from time to time. She still loves me and I love her too, so much. She gives me could counsel and support– some I want to hear, some I don’t. I can be arrogant and stupid sometimes. I ask for help to have this removed. I know I have forces on the other side of the veil advocating for me in this way. I look forward to seeing them during my prayer.

Don’t you love the writings of Walt Whitman and Allen Ginsberg when they talked so bluntly about growing old? I hope I have that kind of nerve. I probably will. If I make it to “old.”

I miss New Orleans. I ate lunch at an authentic Cajun joint today and all of a sudden I’m back to thinking I need to go down there to finish writing, find a composer for, and workshop Ruth, my Jazz musical. What do you think?

Actually, since I’m leaving for prayer ceremony in two days, I don’t really need to “figure anything out.” This is the time when everything falls away and nothing is important except the prayer. It is an intense form of prayer and fasting. I will be on “The Land” with my ceremony family for ten days, the actual prayer (which includes a complete fast) lasts four days. The reason I say I don’t have to figure anything out right now is that I know that what I need to know will be revealed to me during that four-day prayer.

Do you have something you would like for me to hold in prayer for you? Post it in the comments on Facebook, send me a private message there, or if you like– if it’s a private need– simply write “unspoken request.” This is a very intense and powerful form of prayer. Expect results. Watch for clues and guidance. My experience is that it may not come in the way you expect.

Sometimes people say mean things in the comment section of my blog or on the link that I put on Facebook. I especially pray for good things for these people. I hope that they get every single thing they need to be happy and fulfilled. For every good thing I’ve ever asked for for myself, I’ll be praying for them to get during my prayer in Texas.

I know I sound crazy in more than half the blogs I write. Maybe I am. But I like myself exactly as I am. Did I mention that before?

See y’all tomorrow.


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