See You June 15


This is the last blog until June 15. I appreciate so much the love and support y’all have given me in this process. I even appreciate the couple of trolls who make me feel important and whoever dimed me out to the VA. (I got a call today from VA Corporate headquarters because someone had called them to alert them to my blog, afraid I was going to kill myself.) That was very sweet and I appreciate it. I’m not going to kill myself. This year is about taking me from that place where it felt like a viable option to having a better reason to stay alive than the fact that it would fuck up some nice people.  Thanks to the veterans who have written to me thanking me for taking on the subject matter. Thanks to those veterans for hanging in there with me. Let’s not let the bad guys win.

I’m headed to Texas for ten days to a sacred prayer ceremony. It is the most important thing I do each year. I am leaving Mother in very capable hands or I would not feel safe going. My electronics will be turned off from the 5th to the 15th so there will be no way to contact me. I will be holding my blog readers in my prayers. I pray that your divine desires are made manifest, your burdens are light, and your lessons come gently.  If you want to do something to support me in this prayer endeavor, please feel free to keep me in your prayers and/or good thoughts. Also, from June 10-13, eat lots of healthy food and drink a gallon of water a day. Trust me, I will feel it.

It is difficult to leave my mother’s side physically but I do believe with all my heart in the power of prayer. I don’t understand or need to understand why it works but I’ve seen it in action. I think that gathering with 150 of my closest friends to support each other in this intense and beautiful way to pray is the best thing I can do for Mom right now.

Additionally, I’ll be praying that Creator removes from me every single defect of character that stands in the way of my usefulness to my fellow travelers. I’m doing my best to bring a humble and open heart to the ceremony so– well, when I began this year-long process that involves the blog, I committed not to “clean it up” for public consumption but to be as messy and clumsy as I needed to be, to sacrifice looking good for being honest about where I was.  That being said, I realize I’ve pumped a lot of vitriol through this little light window at times. Where I’ve offended , which I most certainly have, please know that it was not for its own sake. If I’ve hurt you, please forgive.

I’ll jump back in to the daily blogs when I return, hopefully with some insights that will prove helpful to you in your own process. I really can’t express how much I appreciate your taking the trip with me.  Knowing you’re there has made it possible for me to face some of the ugliest parts of myself and tackle some things that scare the living shit out of me.

I look forward to seeing y’all when I return.

Aho! Mitakuye Oyasin

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