Gone Fishing

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15:30

The blog comes early today kiddos ’cause Daddy’s got to take a nap. I’m going fishing tonight in the Gulf. Not that I haven’t delivered some early morning blogs lately after all-night dancing but I’m surprised if they make any sense at all to you given how tired I am when we visit after I’ve been worshipping the terpsichorean gods  for five hours.

I’m back out to the beach house after spending twenty-four hours in Mobile. We were at a house on Dog River and sitting out on the dock this morning reading I was remembering when I lived there. Did I ever tell you that; did you know that– that I lived in Mobile for ten months one time? Ten months and I rarely took a sober breath. I barely remember it myself because it was back in “those days” before I stopped drinking. Actually, that’s a lie; it was after I’d stopped drinking but also after I’d decided that I was going to start drinking again. Ironically it was just after I’d gotten out of drug and alcohol treatment (for the second time). Mostly, I’ve been clean and sober since 1997 and haven’t had any drugs (other that weed or drugs prescribed for me) since 1989 when I first stopped drinking but after going– well, that’s sort of a lie too– no it’s not. I should just say that at six months sober the first time around I went to a Grateful Dead show in Atlanta and dropped acid. That’s a drug. Other than that (which actually– I’m going to get in trouble for saying this– helped me not pick up a drink and also helped me sort through and think about my alcoholism) I was sober from alcohol for two years and a week before I drank again after the first time I stopped drinking. After I drank again it took me about two weeks before I was in such bad shape I had to be hospitalized and medically detoxed from the alcohol. When I do something, I do it balls-to-the-wall. Anyway, blah-blah-blah, all boring, sloppy, active addiction stories that are not particularly unique or interesting. What I was wanting to talk about was Mobile. And I did live here. Once upon a time. And now that I think about it, I actually do remember a lot about that time even if I was pretty wasted for most of it– like after The Fish and I had a fight and I moved out, I moved in with some buy from Unity Church who had been on Oprah Winfrey for making patio furniture out of PVC pipe. And after he threw me out (because of the drinking) I was pretty much homeless– no, I was homeless until George Wilson took me in (God rest his soul). George was the first person I ever knew to die of AIDS. All we had was AZT back then and we had a president who would say the word. Fuck AIDS. Fuck homophobic Republican asshole former movie stars who mess things up for the rest of us.

So I went to treatment again after a period of not drinking for two years and then one disastrous relapse and when I got out of– okay, full disclosure, when I checked myself out of that treatment center against medical advice I decided that I could be cured of alcoholism in a way that would allow me to “drink like a gentleman” and–  and you know what? I’m too sleepy to do this right now. I just had a big lunch with my brother and Herndon in Mobile at the Dewdrop Inn complete with banana pudding and then when we got back out here to the beach, the fist thing I did was have a big bowl of chocolate ice cream. I looked at art on the Internet this morning twice too which means I’m medicating my feelings about something. It’s about Mom. It’s about missing Mom.

I’m going to take a nap and then we’ll visit more when I wake up and before we go fishing tonight. I won’t sleep more than an hour. If I do, I’ll wake up feeling hung-over (speaking of). Okay, see y’all after while.

(30 minutes later)

Okay, that was hardly a nap at all but my body is electric and wakes me often.

The phone rang. It was a friend of mine needing an ear. I love to be of service to my friends.

I’m filling out a grad school application. I’ll tell you more about that later on. It’s a good idea and I have the education benefits to cover it. It will be a steady and secure way to insure financial stability as I continue to try to 1) help people, 2) change the world, 3) change the world by helping people, and 4) help people by changing the world.

I hear dinner preparations being made in the kitchen. I’m not going to sit back here on this bed and type while others make my dinner. I’m going to help. See you in a bit.

02:21 (next morning)

No, no, don’t be silly; I’m going to bed now. Yes, I know what I said but when I did finish my fisherman’s pre-fishing dinner that all the nice people bolstered me with, we left for the beach (well, after lending an ear for a couple more friends again on the phone for a while).

The beach was quiet and lovely tonight, peaceful and the three of us were the only ones there. A sliver of a blood moon grew to a half, bleached itself white and rose to a respectable height before we left. Two miles hike to. Two miles hike from. Four miles in soft sand with a Marine backpack on, rods and gigs, lamps (red one on the head and a black-and-decker hand-held that could reach to Jupiter)– all this reminded me. The only thing missing was a couple dozen other men dressed just like me and wearing makeup to look like warriors.

We caught no fish tonight but it wasn’t a wash. I thought a lot and felt connected to my parents. Smoked two cigarettes from one of the other fishermen. Thought about life and recent events and how crazy some people are.

Have you ever heard the thing about the bliss we feel flowing through the grooves made by the grief we’ve felt? Or something like that. I’m probably not saying it just like it’s said but you get the meaning. Anyway– it’s true. And my life is beautiful– if for no other reason than the sheer magnitude of my feelings.

See y’all tomorrow.


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