2 May, 2003

On September 1, 2014, I decided I was giving myself one year to live. Although I have many wonderful people in my life who love me and I have had a life full of rich experience, the things that weren’t working weren’t working to the extent that I had lost the will to move forward. This came as a surprise to a lot of people because generally, it seems, I come across as a confident and content guy. I’ve since figured out that I can’t kill myself because of what it would do to the people left behind. Still, this is an awful reason to stay alive. I decided to move forward with my plan as a way of “raising the stakes” so that I would hopefully do the things I need to do to get out of the emotional state in which I found myself. I committed to blogging daily for this year and to doing everything I could to get better. I’m an Iraq vet and as far as I’m concerned we’ve had far too many veterans take their own lives. I don’t want to be one more.  I’ll make the decision on whether to stay alive on September 1, 2015 and if the answer is no, I’ll check out on my fiftieth birthday, October 15, 2015. Other than the whole suicide thing, here’s some more about me:

I’m a man juggling chainsaws, trying to make a difference in the world while at the same time diverting my attention from the fact that I’m not in my twenties anymore.  I’m a Marine, kicked out under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Don’t” after I purposefully came out of the closet on an interview on CNN.  I left the Marine Corps that I love because I believe that our military was and is being misused for financial gain in ways that are destroying other countries and making ours less safe.  I ride a Ducati Monster  as my form of meditation.  On September 1, 2014, I was seventeen years clean and sober.  I wrote a play called “The Eyes of Babylon” based on my Iraq War journals.  I performed it all over the place.  Showtime made a movie about me and about my play.  The movie’s called “Semper Fi: One Marine’s Journey.”

There seems to be no way that I can do what I aspire to do.  Still, every day, I make some headway.  And although I hate war with everything I am, I will die being proud to be a  Marine.

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